I did not drink last night! And I told my husband about the 100 days.

There was a clutch moment where (as predicted) he finished up work for the day, leaned out the window (I was on the deck) and asked, “cocktail?” My anxiety soared like I was about to go onstage and give a speech. I knew this was last moment I could back out, but I said no thanks. He assumed I was still feeling crummy (which was true, but a few days ago I would have been well enough to drink) and brought me a (non-alcoholic) seltzer and his own cocktail out onto the deck. He had a lot to unload (as I mentioned, crazy day for his company). And after that I took a breath and told him I was planning on not drinking for 100 days and that I was on day 5.

He said he was proud of me, and that he would stop offering me drinks. He said he would try to cut back or even stop, but tonight wasn’t the night for him. Which is fine. I kind of feel like I want to deal with my own journey right now, without helping him with his. That might sound selfish, but while he definitely drinks more than the recommended 2 drinks per day for a man, he’s not the one who was sneaking booze. Also, if him getting sober is anything like him having a cold, I just can’t right now.

By the way, right after the first clutch moment was a second. I had not told him about the 100 days yet and he was going into the liquor cupboard to make his cocktail. Would he notice that the wine I bought to replace the wine I drink on Friday was not the exact same wine? I couldn’t find the exact same one, so I got the same kind of wine with a similar looking label. He did not say anything so I assume he did not notice. Like I said, he’s not big on wine.

This is the exact kind of situation that is causing me to get sober. This, “Oh my god I’m going to get caught! Why did I think sneaking booze was worth it? I love this man. Why am I deceiving him? What kind of looser am I?”

Anyway, it’s all out there now. I’m not sure he totally believes I’ll do 100 days, but if he doubts me, he’s not saying so. At least now I don’t need to explain my not drinking to him.

After that we had a quick family dinner, celebrated an accomplishment of one of our kids with an ice cream cake, watched two Ted Lasso’s and went to bed.

Today was gorgeous. It’s been a very slow start to spring where I live. I woke up feeling great, and went for a big walk with the dog. I always go for a walk with the dog in the morning, but sometimes I had to force myself, and often I was feeling way less than 100%. Today was not like that. I cleaned up the house a bit, went to buy some flowers, then joined my husband in the yard to do some work on it.

Now it’s time for another nice evening on the deck, without booze. This is the hardest part. This is the part that, if I were able to moderate, I would save my drinking for just this part. A cocktail on the deck, while I unwind with my husband. We really were great drinking buddies. I’m hoping that if I keep hanging out on the deck with him in the evenings without booze, it will be just as enjoyable.