Tough afternoon and evening. Big trigger for me – an event in the evening where I had to be “on” and in host mode. Worst of all, I was worried that an overbearing asshat would show up and be contentious. He did, and he was, and he behaved worse than I had imagined. And along with the two other leaders there, I had keep the ship sailing.

Normally I would have had a drink to steady my nerves before going. Then I would have probably snuck a second drink because I felt the first one didn’t do enough. Then I would be paranoid at the meeting that people could tell I had been drinking. Focusing and “performing” at the meeting would have been extra hard because I would have been working through a buzz.

Then I would have come home and had a bunch more drinks, right before going to bed, just to calm down.

Instead I ate dinner before going over. I took care of a few tasks so I didn’t have to do them later. I ate chocolate. I had the meeting, and now I’m typing. I had two CBD gummies when I came home. I don’t think they do anything, but I haven’t taken any since I stopped drinking, so maybe I’ll notice something this time. I don’t want to feel intoxicated, just relaxed.

I should feel super proud of myself for not drinking, but I don’t. At least yet. But I don’t still feel like I need a drink, so that’s good. I feel okay. Nothing horrible happened because I wasn’t able to have a drink to calm my nerves. I just had nerves, dealt with the nerves, and now they are slowly leaving my body.

I’m off to Maine tomorrow. We have a cabin up there. Life at the cabin and drinking are one and the same. I have had days/evenings where I have not drank up there, but they have been the exception. Few and far between. So from one trigger to the next!