Holly shit I am humbled. Lake life = drinking for me. I knew that, but now I KNOW that. To get out of the car after a 3 hour drive and not have a few beers to take the edge off. Not “treating” myself to a beer with lunch, because, hey, we’re at the lake! And then to not have that cocktail on the deck around 5pm, followed by several strong beers (sometimes MANY beers if there is a late night campfire involved). Wow it was hard not to do that.

I was so close to saying fuck it and drinking when I first got up there. SO freaking close. My hand was hovering above a beer in the fridge. But I went into the bathroom and did some breathing and made myself promise to have one NA seltzer first. Which I did. I chugged that seltzer. Then cracked and second. Our neighbor came over with some cupcakes she had baked. I double fisted those suckers. My husband looked at me and said, “Are you REALLY going to eat BOTH of those?!” I’m usually much more reserved with my sweets. I looked at him and said, “If you take one of these out of my hand I will punch you in the face.” Message received. We ended up watching a movie on the couch and then I went to bed sober. I was actually worried I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep, since up there I ALWAYS have alcohol in my system to help me nod off, but I slept okay.

After getting through that first night the second was only slightly better. I am frustrated that I spent most of the day, when I wouldn’t have been drinking anyway, thinking about how I wouldn’t be drinking that night. A huge part of this abstinence is getting alcohol to take up less room in my brain, and this weekend it’s like it did the opposite.

Anyway, by then I had bought a bunch of NA beers and hop water (which I had never had before and I liked okay). My husband didn’t know that I bought them and he went out to the store as well on his own and bought me two kinds of NA beer too. So now I’m stocked up up there. The NA beer helped quite a bit. By the time we got through cocktail hour, then dinner, I was happy to sip another NA drink while we watched another family movie. Had a great night’s sleep and feel great today.

So it was a win, but it didn’t exactly feel like it. I hope after a few more weekends up there without drinking the whole drink/don’t drink thing will not take up so much space in my head.

Now I’m off to a sports game for one of my kids and ready for a Sober Sunday evening. Sober Sunday at home seems like a piece of cake after Sober Friday & Saturday up at the lake!